MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES PT.2

When I was 13 The Breeders released Last Splash and I was intrigued by the single Cannonball. I specifically remember sitting around the cafeteria table in Junior High discussing what new music my friends and I wanted. I mentioned The Breeders and this kid Josh Iams said something to the effect of, "What? They're a girl band! They Suck!" I can remember furling my brow and pulling my head back in a gesture that was mixed with equal parts disbelief and a very new feeling called being emasculated. I quietly protested, finished my lunch, never spoke another word of the all girl band to Josh again, and ended up getting the album for Christmas shortly after; The album is still a classic in my music collection. Let's face it though, The Breeders rocked! I realized I could have some things girlier than The Breeders peppered throughout my collection of "boy" music and be quite comfortable with that. More sissy music, please! As a matter of fact, I got a nice combo of Das EFX Straight Up Sewaside and The Cranberries Everyone Else is Doing it So Why Can't We on the same day that same year. Thus, the balance had begun. Over the years I developed an alternate listening lifestyle that I believe aided me in being in touch with a more cultured personal open-mindedness. In one moment I was getting my testosterone bubbling to heavy Rock or some hard core Hip Hop and the next minute I was being serenaded by the angelic voices of Hope Sandoval (possibly my first celebrity crush) from the band Mazzy Star or Harriet Wheeler of The Sundays. The Sea and Cake were also like nothing I had ever heard. Fronted by Sam Prekop's hardly singing airy vocals, they combined american pop with bossa nova with subtle electronic experimentation to create nice little day dreams. This softer side of music certainly changed my overall perspective of the world.

In the small town I grew up in and attended school, there weren't many people to share these experiences with. There were plenty of people, but just too many Josh Iamses. I was often alone with my atypical appreciation for a love song. That was okay by me because, in a sense, I didn't want it to be shared with anyone else until it really matured in my own head. I needed to really study it on my own time and grow and draw and listen and grow and draw.

There is music that I listen to today that is probably considered "gay" by the more insecure adults that I know. If you're a 30 year old man and you walk into a bar and begin talking about modern classical music, you will instantly be considered a wuss. Now if you walk into that same bar and start talking about an Iron Maiden album, you are instantly accepted; at worst your opinion of which is their better album will be argued. I'm generalizing out of spite, but you get the idea. Sure, Iron Maiden slowed things down a bit and wrote their version of a love song at some point, but there are many more avenues of music to take one further down a path to connect with emotions that may have been repressed for no good reason. Be a man; Listen to girly music for a change.

RAILS TO THE WEST

I am not one to travel a lot. I think the cost of transportation and housing has always been my excuse, and I've always been baffled by folks who say it's so cheap. They usually try to convince me by explaining how you can find deals and get a round trip ticket to France for $400 or something, but I usually don't have $400 extra dollars lying about. It could be that I'm not allowing myself enough time and peace of mind. I'm so generally lazy that I haven't earned enough credits to deserve a vacation- that's how I see it at least. As I've explored public transportation more recently, and ventured to Santa Barbara via airplane last summer, I am slowly acquiring a taste for travel. I love taking long train rides above all else! This week I will be taking Amtrak trains to and from Western Pennsylvania to visit my Mother, Father, and Sister. This journey is a 5 hour trip that would typically be almost 8 hours of torture on a bus. The train is peaceful in that old fashioned way. The cabin is relatively quiet, but I can still hear the click clack of the tracks. Electrical outlets along the walls are one of the more modern commodities of the train and allow a power source for my computer so I can watch a movie (or two!) or listen to music. Not to mention the view of passing Pennsylvanian landscapes goes nicely with any music in my headphones. Some classical styled Max Richter harmonizing visually with swaying fields of grain, or some jagged industrial beats by Pan Sonic kick the remaining boards from a barely standing barn wall before I vanish into a rocky ageless tunnel. Finally, I will reach my family, who remain tucked amongst this expansive country scenery, for a much needed escape from the city. And, damn it, I deserve it!

TCB

Another liberty that I'm feeling the urge to embrace in my time of unemployment, is having a lack of co-workers or customers I could offend by speaking my mind or expressing my feelings. I'll toss some examples your way and see if you can relate. I'll have you know that any attempt at giving me advice will have little influence on the actions I may potentially take for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I am pretty good at being diplomatic on my own terms and, secondly, rarely does one have the opportunity to capitalize on such moments unless the previously mentioned obligations (jobs, customers, etc.) are not in place. I need to take advantage of this window while it's open!
While employed at my last job, a customer would come in with her tiny psychotic dog. The pint-sized beast would snarl and snap and have a conniption fit if you even made eye contact with it; all while it tried to squirm its way out of its protective owner's arms. Not only was this ridiculous to observe, but it truly wasn't good for my nerves either. The icing on the cake was the fact that the owner of the dog never seemed to be embarrassed by, nor did they ever apologize for, the dog's behavior. I vowed to one day tell them what I truly thought of them; The owner rude and selfish, and the dog a spoiled little demon. The big day, of course, would have to be a day when I was choosing to leave the job for good so as to not stir up any trouble that would backlash onto me. Unfortunately, my final day at the job found the hellhound and its witch of an owner nowhere in sight, so my fantasy was never fulfilled. There's still hope, you see. I've decided to re-highlight their names on my shit list and if we happen to cross paths, appropriate curses will be placed upon their heads. These days, I feel like I can execute these maneuvers a little more playfully instead of with the high blood pressure anxiety that was typical in the past.
Another example of imminent moments of release comes in a much less palatable form: Violence! Recently a friend and ex-coworker of mine has been the victim of violence by their insecure boyfriend. These situations have surfaced in the past between the two of them, but it has recently escalated to pushing and hitting followed by racial slurs directed to another friend of mine. All of these bad decisions made by one individual. One individual who may need to be "pushed" back. My posse of friends are ready to confront this guy to put an end to the torment he puts his girlfriend through. He's 6'5" and built like a beach umbrella made of balsa wood (pretty inefficient), but he still insists on publicly abusing his girlfriend who is only 5'2". The jury is in and this guy will not have a choice but to change his ways.
I'm going to make sure every thing's done with precision and said rationally and with clarity. Don't worry, friends, I'll be in your corner some day and we'll fight together! Onward!

THROUGH THE ROOF

Ever since I started this blog I have been jobless. In fact, I'm pretty sure I started it as a journal to ease my nerves and organize my thoughts in my current 'state of crisis'. Throughout the past couple of months I've taken on a few art jobs, and still have not received payment for a single one. Sure, it's becoming a bit frustrating, but I've noticed something strange happening. My confidence level is through the roof! I've rarely felt this alive and prepared to take on any obstacle, as well as feeling prepared to go down swinging if that would ever happen to be the dire circumstance. All in all my ennui has not necessarily lifted; instead I found a way to mutate it and admit it's previously overlooked applications. I'm embracing both the power of happiness and the power of sadness to see a lot more of life from many angles. Whaddaya know? It works! Emotions are powerful things and I think we often shy away from many of them because we fear them or we feel we don't deserve to have them. Obviously sadness can really drag you under if you aren't careful, but being careful may simply involve implying a bright side to bad situations to maintain balance. I consider myself to be very in tune with my intuitions, and maybe that's why I'm fortunate enough to accomplish something as abstract as 'mutating my ennui,' but I think we're all capable of doing so if we concentrate on every resource we have available to keep ourselves centered and healthy. This is much more zen-like talk than I am ever comfortable with, but it's revealing itself to be a significant enough observation to type up in Code of Posture so that must count for something, right?

So, instead of self destructing, try laughing and smiling at things that want to break your character, this can actually help you prepare for the worst. And when things are going your way, make sure you aren't taking certain aspects of life for granted that may not be playing an obvious role in your happiness. The most important thing to remember is quite the old fashioned rule; Walk tall and keep your chin up!

NIRVANA

I love Nirvana. I am also aware that artistic expression is a very personal thing both in production and reception. I've met my share of folks who think Nirvana is an atrocious band. Some people can't stand Kurt's voice, and some were offended by the band butchering certain cover songs from the Nirvana Unplugged session. I've even heard one anti-fan argue that Kurt's guitar riffs weren't 'difficult to play.' Surely the worst reason to dislike any musical act is by comparing its complexities to something else. What else? Who cares. All differences aside, Kurt Cobain and his band mates possessed an undeniable talent for creating music that was both abrasive and melodious. Yes, I'm well aware of Nirvana's predecessors, some of whom were their biggest influences (i.e. The Melvins and Mudhoney), but let's face it, we're talking about Nirvana here. DGC Records released Nevermind in 1991 and the band quickly became a disease that affected the entire world in a very very short length of time. The album became more than a symbol for change in the world of music, and became a symbol for change in general. Kurt's nearly indiscernible lyrics begged to be heard and accepted at all costs, and everyone listened whether they understood or not. The message seemed to be something along the lines of 'think outside the box'. This coded signal was accepted in larger and larger doses as we finally said 'fuck you' to all the hair bands of the late '80s and early '90s. Nirvana relentlessly pummeled the record industry to a pulp with the release of In Utero, the band's challenging and final Long Player. Then without warning our leader destroyed himself. He may have been bored up there at the top- a place he never expected to be so abruptly- unchallenged for the crown of music's savior. Thanks to off kilter media exploitation, grunge was fast becoming the next marketable hair band-like trend. Coincidentally, after Kurt's suicide, grunge music could no longer keep it's head above water. When it all comes down to it, there was far too much integrity in Nirvana, the fans, and even grunge music to ever allow it to be controlled by the media and bloodsucking businesses. The band rarely compromised their sound except for a couple radio friendly edits. Whether you love them or hate them, you know Nirvana and you should realize how lucky we are to have birthed them in our generation.

BRAIN MODE: SCRAMBLE

Waking up and listening to my thoughts again. According to my brain: I have an important phone call to make, my neighbor is psychotic, I should really be looking for more work (either full-time part-time or freelance), I'm hungry and need to exercise, did I just time travel to a boring 1955?, gotta pay some bills at some point, I want to order a new record, my lower back is less sore today, I have to complete the mock-up for my current illustration job, gotta upgrade that old imac, I slept so well last night (8.5 hours with little interruption), when can I go to the beach(?), my parents miss me, I need to get out more, I miss my parents, gotta clean up my room, delivery trucks are too loud, eggs and toast and orange juice, my haircut isn't bad, I might be in love with being lazy, instead of 'me against the world' it might be more like 'me and the world against everyone else', the sun and I have a date at 2 o'clock pm, I feel ready for anything, I think too much.