HAND MADE MAN

What have I been doing with my life? To be quite honest, I have been enjoying it. Often I overanalyze and criticize life and the people around me, but I do have very basic problems and I'm grateful that I am able to apply some introspection to most of them to keep my cool. I'm lazy, I'm typically broke, and I haven't necessarily found myself where I pictured myself to be when I was younger, but that's through no fault but my own; I have never felt like I've just been dealt a bad hand- I just haven't played my cards right. I'm patiently learning the game though, and it helps to realize that I'm playing the game with others who are learning as well. We win a few rounds and maybe lose the next one, but it's always a fine idea to smile and have fun and learn some tricks along the way.

Sometimes I have intense moments of clarity and I realize what I'm destined to do. Today I said to myself- and probably for the millionth time, " I should just focus on doing album artwork. I love looking at album artwork and packaging techniques and when I'm shopping for those products I get inspired to come home and draw... Then I would make money that I could spend on shopping for records..." and so on. That sounds to me like a pretty safe full house to bet on. Then, before I know it my day off is over and I get sucked back into my weekly nine-to-five and I make almost no time for pursuing such a dream. Sad... but again, that's just me being lazy. I've never really broke my back for my passion, yet interestingly enough I get regular lower back pain (and I'm only 31! yikes!) most likely from my retail job with lousy pay... go figure.

So what have I been doing with my life? I've been enjoying it, yes. I have also been watching it closely from the outside and maneuvering it from the inside, but a piece is still missing. I haven't made that move that scares most of us from completely controlling our lives. I am yet to say, "all in"